Friday, 14 August 2009

Dear Annette Bening

Hello. You probably don’t know who I am, but I’m a concerned fan of yours. Where have been for the past few years? For the seven years or so you have been my favourite living actress but recently I wonder if that is not becoming a bit too bizarre. I know that you are happily married to Warren Beatty, and despite him being in his seventies I’m sure he is still a delight. But must you neglect your job to enjoy familial life. I know you have children, but do they really require your undying attention all day, everyday?

When are you going to make another good movie? Do you know I sat through that horrible film, The Women, last year just so I could get see on screen? Do you think that’s fair? Certainly there were moments – and I do mean moments – that had me forgetting the crap I was looking at, but they were mere seconds. Is this what you’re subjecting your fans too? I don’t deserve this. I know you’re not callous? So what’s the issue? Don’t get me wrong. I can only imagine how horrible it was losing that Oscar not once but twice to that sickening monstrosity, otherwise known as Hilary Swank. And I know it must have been horrible losing your Golden Globe and not even getting an Oscar nomination for Running With Scissors the same year that Warren received that Lifetime Achievement Award from the FPA. I did enjoy your work in Mrs. Harris and yes I do believe that Helen Mirren has enough awards and she shouldn’t stoop to taking yours too.

But theses are all occupational hazards of being an actress. We still love you. I am (im)patiently awaiting your return to proper cinema. Where are the days of Julia Lambert, no more Carolyn Burnhams? I wouldn’t even mind The American President right now. What I’m getting at Ms. Bening is – when are you coming back to worth? Time is running out, we are not getting any younger. I heard you might be starring in that film with Julianne Moore and I pray to God that this information is accurate. I don’t know how much more time I have. I don’t know how more time you have.

Goodbye, and I hope this letter finds you in good spirits.

Your Biggest Fan,
Andrew Kendall
Encore Entertainment

1 comment:

Kurtis O said...

I'm one of the few people who actually enjoyed "The Women."